I know what it is like to be a single mom and to lose all hope of actually finding that one guy out there that can love, respect, and accept you for who you are. Someone who isn’t in it just to use you for convenience, sex, or money. I really had a knack for picking the winners back in the day. Ugghhhh….. The stories I could tell. I could really probably write a book on the stalking stage, to the man hating stage, finding the losers and then there were the decent but unavailable men.
I could never quite figure it out though. They always say that you marry your father. Well my father was a great man, great husband, and a great father. So what the hell was I doing wrong? Because I can guarantee you that I wasn’t finding a man like my father. My ex was always pissed off that I “Was looking for my father and I am never going to find him”. Well duh… of course I was and I can assure you it wasn’t him. Which was ok but it didn’t go over to well when I told him that. Oops, that’ll teach him to call me my favorite “C” name.
I can tell you the search was out right treacherous which is almost putting it nicely. I think that I tried it all and probably dated it all to some extent or another.
The highlight of my online dating days was the night at 2am one wanted to “meet me”. Ya ok like I don’t know what that could possibly mean. (Ladies just for the record NOTHING good ever comes out of meeting anyone at 2am.) Fortunately I knew better than that one. That’s about as close as I ever actually came to meeting someone online other than a conversations here and there.
Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t all total dead beats and dirt bags, just a vast majority. Some of the wake-up calls were when one got pissed when I wouldn’t give him money to fix his car…. Eghhhh nope not happening, ladies don’t ever loan men money. Oh and then you would think I would have caught on the first time I was introduced as a “Buddy or a Pal”. Take another note ladies. If he is introducing you as a friend, pal, buddy it really isn’t going anywhere at all. Today, tomorrow, or EVER.
Of course had to have the stage where I developed my knack for finding the emotional or geographically unavailable men. They were either not ready or couldn’t figure out what they wanted or there was literally the time that I could have flipped the coin for head’s Carolina, tails California. Never thought that song would ever have any meaning as I start to sing it in my head as I still slightly chuckle a little. But when you start talking to or dating guys that were home visiting when they live out of state. Safe bet that’s not happening whether they say they are moving back home or not.
I think the biggest eye opener here was a really great guy that I could had given my heart and soul to when he told me, “He hadn’t found anything better, but he just wasn’t sure what he wanted.” Well I think that is what was said, I pretty much shut down after the first part.
That is really when I decided that I had to dig deep and figure out what the problem was. I had to figure out what my problem was that I kept “attracting” the inevitably unavailable men. It really took a lot of deep thought and reflection to figure out that the problem wasn’t that I was attracting the unavailable men but it was the fact that I was not ready myself truly to settle down.
I was not ready myself emotionally to settle down and find love. I was not in that place of self-love to know that I deserved to be loved as much as I loved. I deserved the best from a man and not attention at a distance or out of convenience. I had to decide that I deserved it and that I was ready for it.