You can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results. That goes for relationships as well. If you do the same thing over and over again you will continue to end up heartbroken over and over again.
It always starts with meeting this guy and ya he may have potential. He’s nice, funny, charming, nice looking, sweet…….. The list can go on and on depending on what you are looking for. But OF COURSE he is all of those things because he is trying to make a good impression. (If he isn’t even trying from the start don’t even bother.)
So you give him a chance and you go out on that first date. One date turns into a second, third and before you know it you are seeing him nearly every night. A month goes by and you start to think that he is such a great guy. He’s so sweet, he tells you what you want to hear and does what you want him to do. He brings you flowers and he even rescues you from blood craving bats so you begin to think you have feelings for him. Before you know it one thing leads to another, you get caught up in the moment and things happen.
Of course once this happens you we have a tendency to really feel attached and start to become somewhat dependent on having this person in your life. You begin to feel strongly and begin to think that you might actually love him. But do you love him or do you “lust him”?
Unfortunately, everything seems to go so fast and before you know it you start to see these little glimpses of something that you can’t quite put your finger on. You can’t put your finger on them but they trigger something that doesn’t quite feel right. Little slips of insecurity, slips of a word or two here and there, an off story that doesn’t quite add up or even little white lies. These little glimpses of something tend to become more frequent and more obvious and that makes you wonder what is going on.
Hmmm….. Now what?
By now you are so attached and so “IN LOVE” with someone who you haven’t even truly given ourselves time to get to know them. Once you do get to know who they truly are you have grown so “in love” with them that you tend to brush some of these little red flags and squirrelly moments under the rug, often times against your best judgment.
By the time these tiny little red flags become a matador’s big red cape, waving in front of a bull, you are so in love with this guy that you do not know what to do. If you leave you will end up hurt but if you stay with him you may end up hurt even worse? Either way you work it, you risk the chance of feeling heartbroken, alone, and feeling like it’s the end of the world. (All of which are never the case.)
Not that I have done this before. I can almost assure you I haven’t. Ok… Who am I kidding? Been there and done that more times than I care to admit. But I have learned that you truly don’t get to know someone until you have dated them for 3 months or more.
After way too long, I became a strong believer in that because most people cannot normally “fake it” for more than 3 months. I will stress “most” because every once in a while you will find one that’s pretty dang good at it.
I had a friend that really put it into perspective for me once.
Month 1 ~ you see what they want you to see
Month 2 ~ you see what you want to see
Month 3 ~ you see who a person really is.
If you ever want to find love worth keeping around for a while, take it slow and get to know the true person. Get to know their values and beliefs. Give yourself a chance to get to know who they are before you fall for them.
Keep your options open and get to know more than one person before you commit yourself to dating one. This will keep you from investing too much of you into them and from traveling down that same road so many of us travel.
Don’t expect to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results.