During my live interview for the Ready to Rock Summit there was a lot of interest in the signs of emotional abuse and a toxic relationship.
So many don’t realize that emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, sometimes worse. With physical abuse you can see the bruises and scars but emotional abuse it is internal. I always remember wishing that he would hit me because then I would have an excuse to leave. Little did I realize the abuse was just as real even when I didn’t have the bruises to show it.
It is also important to realize that emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse in the future, so make sure you recognize the signs of emotional abuse and take action to escape it while you can. In my experience, some of the most common signs are…
- Isolation – An abuser will isolate you from your family and friends and it will always be your family and friends fault. None of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s fault. They will be threatened by your family and friends seeing the signs that you may be blinded by. This also makes it easier for them to control you.
- Control – They will want to control you and every aspect of your life. They may want to know where you are and who you are with at all times. They may call you multiple times a day to see what you are up to, who you are with, and where, because they miss you, of course. They may even show up when you wouldn’t expect them, of course to surprise you. They will try to keep you from doing the things that you love because it takes away from the time that you can spend with them. They will question you if you aren’t home right after work or school and make you think that you were doing something wrong. There is a fine line here because this can often be mistaken as being endearing, IT IS NOT. It is creepy and could be considered stalking.
- Blame – They are very good at making everything look like it is your fault, even when it has nothing to do with you. They hit a deer with their car, but it is somehow your fault. It won’t matter what it is but it will somehow be your fault. If you find yourself apologizing frequently it is very likely because they want to feel at fault and guilty. It is a great practice to build themselves up and tear you down.
- Guilt – They guilt you into doing what they want or seeing things their way, sometimes even against your will. This is supposed to be your way of showing them that you love them and you choose them. Again a great way of tearing you down and building themselves up.
- Too Fast – They will move fast with everything. I do realize that love is love and sometimes it just happens fast but be cautious if things are moving faster than you are comfortable with, it is probably for a reason. They want to get you attached to them before you can realize who they are or what is going on.
- Name-calling – So you would think that this would be obvious but we let it slide. This normally begins gradually and with small comments or names and they are always “JUST KIDDING” or “JOKING” so you don’t think too much about it or you let it slide. But this is one of their biggest ways they tear you down. Eventually they end up calling you a “C U Next Tuesday”, stupid, or any name on a daily basis.
- His Momma- Always watch how a man treats his momma. It is a sure sign of how he will treat his woman.
Every piece of this leads to them killing your self-confidence. They do everything in their power over time to make you think that you are unworthy and incapable of doing anything different in your life. They make you dependant on them as much as possible so that you can’t or won’t leave. The sad part is that they somehow make you feel like it is all OK because they don’t hit you or something worse.
These are just some of the very common signs of emotional abuse that sometimes do lead to physical abuse. It may be hard for you see the signs in the beginning because they are so smooth and it can be so gradual at first but be cautious if you see any of these signs. Follow your instincts, they will not lie. If things don’t seem right they probably are not and if a man seems too good to be true, they probably are.
If you are in an abusive or toxic relationship now, get help. If it isn’t safe to leave now put a plan in place. I remember the day that a remote control was thrown at me and it hit one of my girls. That was the day that I put my plan in place. I vowed that day that I would be such a bitch that in a year he would be happy to see me go. It isn’t until recently that I had it pointed out to me that was the day the I took my control back in every way. You can too…
If you do need help you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233
No matter know that you are amazing and beautiful. You deserve the best even when someone is telling that you don’t.
Lot’s of love to you and all of the best in all you deserve.